UPS sucks.

Sorry, Aunt Susie, but I hated the way I was treated by UPS. Clearly they've had nobody of your caliber near the Tampa plant.

I was supposed to get a package yesterday. I stayed home waiting for it. I missed having a workout because I was waiting. At 8:46pm, the UPS system said the apartment number was incorrect. So I phoned 1-800-PICK-UPS and asked them to let me pick up the package at their main Tampa plant today. Sure, they said, come on by.

So today I spent an hour away from the office trying to get my package. John Cleese couldn't have done it better.

Could I have my package, please?

The computer says "left in building". I'll be right back...

[The UPS employee disappears into the factory for about five minutes.]

Could I have my package now, please?

No, it's not available until 7:30pm.

But you close at 7pm. And I was told that you would have it waiting for me.

Oh? Who told you that?

The 1-800 number.

Ohhhhh. They're not really part of UPS.

Look, where is my package right now?

It's back there somewhere. It's in this building.

So can I have it, please?

No, it's in processing.

What does processing mean?

Look, SIR, your package will be ready at 7:30pm.

But what does processing mean?

Your package. Will be ready. At 7:30pm.

Okay, look. Can you just have it sent to my office on Monday?

No, we don't do that here. You have to call the 1-800 number.

I thought you said they weren't really part of UPS.

You have to call the 1-800 number.

That's when I left.