Always mount a scratch turkey

[sylvar]

(If the subject line disturbs you, perhaps you've never heard the proverb "Always mount a scratch monkey".)

Jodi's family will be having Thanksgiving with us this year.
Thanksgiving is a meal at which a roast turkey is served.
A roast turkey to feed them all and have leftovers weighs about twelve pounds.
Cooking twelve pounds of meat in an oven can be a little tricky.
I am the cook in this household.
I am a vegetarian.
Stop me when you see where this is going.

So to gain some experience before inflicting my beast-roasting skills on very nice in-laws who really don't deserve food poisoning or even dry turkey, I'm practicing.

I will be using Alton Brown's recipe for brined roast turkey, starting with making a brine tonight, putting the turkey into the brine tomorrow night, and finally roasting the turkey Saturday.

I have no idea how to carve this thing.

Comments

[ximinez]

I'm really surprised I'd never heard that scratch monkey story before.... Simultaneously amusing and aggrivating. Though it does remind me of the urban legend about the janitor unplugging the life support equipment to run his floor polisher.