Always mount a scratch turkey

[sylvar]

(If the subject line disturbs you, perhaps you've never heard the proverb "Always mount a scratch monkey".)

Jodi's family will be having Thanksgiving with us this year.
Thanksgiving is a meal at which a roast turkey is served.
A roast turkey to feed them all and have leftovers weighs about twelve pounds.
Cooking twelve pounds of meat in an oven can be a little tricky.
I am the cook in this household.
I am a vegetarian.
Stop me when you see where this is going.

So to gain some experience before inflicting my beast-roasting skills on very nice in-laws who really don't deserve food poisoning or even dry turkey, I'm practicing.

I will be using Alton Brown's recipe for brined roast turkey, starting with making a brine tonight, putting the turkey into the brine tomorrow night, and finally roasting the turkey Saturday.

I have no idea how to carve this thing.

Comments

[h-postmortemus.livejournal.com]

a) I have made and eaten many a turkey without ever brining. It's probably a good enhancement but hardly necessary for a good bird.

b) Stuffing doesn't need to go in the bird, but despite AB's insistance it really is pretty tastey and doesn't dry out the bird if you don't over do it (i.e. don't use huge amounts of bread crumbs, and make sure the stuffing is plenty moist when you put it in).

c) Speaking of stuffing, as long as you are impersonating a carnivore, consider using sausage in the stuffing! Jenn introduced me to that concept, and I love it.

d) Consider a 16 pound bird. Really.

e) Try and avoid frozen. Get a fresher bird, it'll taste much better. If price is no object, consider one of these.

Whatever you do, just don't try and make any of these...